I went in to buy the CBD oil with my son, six weeks ago, after he'd had enough of seeing me in pain, with the torment it brought because of the lack of a quality of life I so dearly wanted but couldn't have.
I am, as you will see from previous blogs about mental health and therapy, 'a total sceptic with an open mind!' I thought that I may feel a bit less pain if I was lucky and this oil actually did something like a painkiller, but little did I know it would change my whole outlook on life.
My outlook was always full of hope. I've always tried hard to look to the future, hoping that I will soon be able to do more and through continued effort, improve my illness through my own bloody mindedness and sheer hard work when delving into my mental health via therapy or mindfulness.
I was told that it takes about six weeks for the CBD to start to alter and 'balance' your body.
The first striking difference was almost immediate, with a clarity of vision. I wear glasses but my eyes with them on are pretty good. I could suddenly see more clearly though, a very difficult thing to describe when you thought you saw clearly before! There was a 'sharpness' to what I saw, a clearness and clarity that blew my mind!
Secondly, my brain fog, a horrendous symptom of M.E and fibromyalgia, almost completely disappeared. Over the years since my diagnosis with these illness', I have had periods of time when my thoughts have been clear and my mind able to work, but these episodes were short and spread thinly throughout the year. Now, all of a sudden, I can write, create, think clearly, manage my finances, plan days out and travel! I can actually live! My mind is playing its full part of my being now!
I worried that my mind would become my tormentor, that with my new found clear thinking, I would feel so let down by my body that I would become more depressed.
Thankfully, although very slowly, my body is starting to adjust and change too. The pain I had, caused mainly from fibromyalgia (pain in nerve endings all over your body), decreased to aches and twinges, rather than the belting forceful sharp strikes of pain that want to send you screaming through the roof or the numbing toothache-like deep bone pain that I've suffered with for seven years. There have been two significant areas in my body where my pain has decreased. Firstly in the back of my neck, across my shoulders on my back and my shoulder blades to the front. The pain reduced, I can now move my neck without it creaking and straining, the stiffness having come out of it. The second physical pain reduction has been in my back and hip area. Two years ago I was in a wheelchair. Now I can walk a short distance with no walking stick, only a short distance still at the moment, but with no stick! My walking stick is significant because I get excruciating back ache that permeates down one hip and thigh, causing me to walk bent to the side with a limp. My walking stick helps to hold me up on that side when I'm walking. Now, I can walk with my back straight as the pain has gone. After a short walk (for me a short walk is probably about 50 steps) I can feel an ache in my back start and I stop and rest. I never expected a miracle, but when I went into the shop I bought the CBD oil and was asked what I wanted from the oil and replied 'I just want to be able to walk like a normal person', little did I know that just six weeks later I would be able to walk, albeit a very short distance still, without my walking stick, upright, with no pain.
So, the future. I have lots of work still to do to continue to improve.
My mental health has improved just because of my pain reduction and the resulting ability to get out, visit friends, go to the pub and listen to my favourite bands again and generally take part in life again.
I have been reading that 'Your gut is your second brain', an interesting read and source of my next huge challenge. I have to get some of the weight off that has come with years of being bedridden and inactive, eating the wrong food and generally not caring about myself enough to care what went into my body. Now, alongside the CBD oil helping to clear and regulate my gut, I need to support it (the CBD) to work. This is my next focus.
We have to work hard to keep moving forwards. Nobody said life would be, is, or should be, easy. Life has been a battle for me from the day I was conceived. It will remain a battle until I die, but now, at least I can have a better quality of life and some fun while I'm waiting!