Over the years I have seen so many people, as well as myself, get into debt because we have been too ill to make that phone call or fill in that 36 page benefits form, answer the door or even open the bills and letters that come flying through the door, day by day, making us want to hide under the bedclothes even more as they are a constant reminder of how we are failing to keep on top of life.
Months go past, your case for, for instance, unpaid Council Tax, has gone to court in your absence (as you didn't read THAT letter either) and next you have a bailiffs letter through the door (which you also didn't read) and then a hard rapping at your door and the bailiffs are on your doorstep!
People who have never had the misfortune to have sunk this low in their depression don't understand how you have 'let it get to this stage!' They don't understand that you don't 'let it'... it 'happens' when you can't cope because you are ill.
This is exactly why now, so many very vulnerable and ill people are being evicted from their homes and fined extortionate amounts of money in bailiff and court fees.....and in many cases, are being driven to suicide.
We, those of us who are ill, have to accept we need help. This may be as much as just telling a friend about the mess we have got ourselves in and 'sharing' the burden to relieve the stress of it all. Our friend can help talk it through with us and perhaps find the relevant service or organisation to help us. Thankfully today, as well as the CAB there are many groups that give advice, and some especially good ones on facebook which enable us to remain anonymous whilst spilling our souls to ask for help.
It isn't just debt though. Harder than that actually (as for me, the cycle of being ill, falling into debt, struggling to get out of it and being straight for a year before sinking down into oblivion with my depression happens again and the cycle repeats itself ,over and over, is one I am very used to) is when your inability to 'manage' is staring you in the face. Gradually the house gets dirtier and more cluttered, recycling hangs about and old magazines, books are all over the place and the washing up?....well! The house is no longer a home. This for me is where the last piece of pride really does have to be shoved under the carpet with the rubbish for a cleaner to deal with!
Never in my life have I ever become so ill that I couldn't cope with my house, but having ME and fibromyalgia on top of my depression finally beat me. My house was awful. I was having to let medical professions come in and see me, feeling deeply ashamed of the state of my house. Of course, my depression became worse as I felt the lowest of the low and so demoralised. Thankfully a couple of friends, along with my own acceptance of what was happening, finally meant I took the plunge and took on a cleaner. I subtly asked around a bit about a couple of companies locally but I was concerned about gossip and confidentiality....I didn't want my situation to be passed around to all and sundry (and now I am telling ALL OF YOU!!!!!) and I finally found a lady, recommended to me, who lives out of my local town.
I cancelled her first visit to me out of cowardice and was terrified! I made sure before she met me that she knew exactly how I was feeling so I didn't have to actually 'say the words' and apologise for the state of my house (which in my eyes was shameful but which I know now I am feeling a little better was not THAT bad) to her face. Oh my....she is a Godsend. I cannot believe how much better I feel now she has been coming for a few weeks. It is an expense wholly worth it. Find a good cleaner and you have got a good support. Find a cleaner who does the job because they actually like cleaning and helping make a difference to peoples lives, and you will be sorted. My cleaner in just weeks, has not only made my lounge a place where I can invite anyone in who knocks (apart from the bailiff of course!!!), but has cleaned my fridge out which I couldn't physically manage myself, put up some new curtains for me AND she likes decorating so is going to help me spruce the place up with a lick of paint too!!!!! She will hang my washing out and I bet if I asked her, would make me a sandwich too before she left, bless her. Now, my house being clean and tidy and feeling like a home again, has really lifted my spirits and has meant that a vase of flowers that I love, actually looks lovely on the windowsill of a freshly cleaned room. I feel so much more content and most importantly, feel more positive and organised so can manage some of the other things I have let slip, myself.......and my pride, that little bit I had to give up to ask for help, has now been totally renewed and added to because I am coping with my life again, albeit with help, but it is help that I am still in control o
Now, I have been brave and have given up a little pride in telling you my experience because I want YOU now, if you are struggling, to give up that little bit of pride you are hanging on to, to ASK FOR HELP, and I promise you, your pride will come back fourfold. If you want to chat to me, contact me...I can help pass you on to advice pages that I know are really helpful and help you get brave! You can do it! Go for it! Make that huge difference in your life. If I did, so can you. God bless you xxx