My son dragged me into the CBD shop, exhausted and tired. I didn't want to go. I knew I was too vulnerable, shattered and that I would cry the minute they asked what was wrong ...
... and I did!
To be fair, the shop manager was great (alongside his lovely assistant who came round and gave me a hug-she asked first) and he didn't actually ask me about my diagnosis, he asked me what it was I wanted to change. What was giving me the most bother and what I wanted to alleviate in my body.
'I just want to be able to walk' I told him.
He listened to my ailments, my aches and pains, and told me his story and stories of other people who have found CBD oil has helped them. He let me try some while there, a sample, then I went for a walk to see if I could feel any effect at all. I walked out of the shop saying to myself 'I won't be fooled into noticing a placebo effect'.
I went for a short walk as I can't go far. This was to get my heart pumping and the oil around my body a bit faster. I can truly say it definitely took the edge of a particularly nasty pain in my knee, which was nice, but then I told him 'I'm not sure if this is really a thing, but I can see clearer, with more sharpness'. It wasn't anything he had mentioned at all, within other peoples stories or anything, but it was noticeable to me. My general aches and pains were no different, but this was a definite change. As we continued to talk about the different ways to take CBD I felt a sharp pain next to my eye, so sharp I said 'ouch'. He asked 'Is it a shooting pain?' I said 'Yes' and he told me it was the CBD working on my optic nerves.
After being given some CBD lollies, I bought my bottle of 1000 (33mg per serving) CBD oil and off I went home to rest.
So, here's the first day of my journey. I thought I would blog about it because its so difficult to remember 'how I was', and I truly want you to see the change in me if it happens and the journey along the way, to give you some hope and encouragement if you need it, should it work.
I slept really well last night. I don't usually. I usually wake 3 or 4 times in the night but I had about 6 hours of unbroken sleep, which was a godsend for me. I haven't had any noticeably less pain today but this process takes 6-8 weeks to get fully activated into your system. One thing that was noticeable though was my brain feeling clear. I have updated my web page and was able to spend time on paperwork. To be fair this process has been becoming easier since I started pain management EMDR with my clinical psychologist, another little interlude to write about, but still, every little boost helps.
I slept another great sleep last night ... about 6 hours and then I slept another 2 hours. Wonderful ... but I am absolutely exhausted. When I say exhausted, I don't mean M.E (chronic fatigue) exhausted, I mean every single part of my physical body feeling weak and unable to gain energy. I have had M.E for over 10 years and this exhaustion is in a league of its own and markedly different. Being able to describe this 'difference' is where I will struggle but I will try.
My legs felt weak, like I had no strength in the muscles to hold them up, my whole body gently ached (not just my usual fibro back, shoulders, neck, hips etc), but not 'painfully'. My legs felt like jelly when I walked and, yes, that's it, I felt like jelly .... ultra relaxed. There was a strangely comfortable, relaxed state to the weakness that was pleasant, like sinking between a warm, soft, fleecy blanket on a cold day. I couldn't keep my eyes open and when I got home from an appointment I had to keep, I had to sleep. I slept 2 hours, waking to my alarm as I don't want to mess my sleep up tonight. I have woken again with my brain feeling clear and the edge of the exhaustion.
When I woke I rang through to the shop that supplied my CBD oil. They said to ring anytime or pop in if I had any questions. The assistant I had seen on my first day reminded me that they had told me that the CBD will make my body do whatever it 'needs' to do naturally, crave food it needs and will I suppose put my body back into control of itself instead of my 'self' determining what happens to my body (which for me can be comfort eating and over-exerting myself in the need to feel 'normal'). I guess my body needed sleep. My head was saying ' but I don't want to sleep more. I want to get rid of the exhaustion and tiredness' .. BUT ... I can FEEL it is a different type of tiredness, perhaps the tiredness a baby has when it just drops off to sleep. A whole unique feeling to be honest, so I'm just going to go with it. As I was told, it takes weeks to fully connect in your system so I can expect some changes, possible side effects and so on ... I know I'm looking forward to a good nights sleep, that's for sure! Will let you know how it goes.